I must admit, even though I don’t believe I’ll ever love again, that I’m a hopeless romantic.
I’m happy when my friends are in a happy and loving relationship. I suffer and get upset with the women in books and movies, when they fall in love and go through hardship. I cry and laugh with them. And secretly I dream, that one day I’ll find a man who is just like the men in the stories I like so much.
But deep down I also know that this will never happen to me. I’m not beautiful like the actresses or heroins I read about. I’m not special, I’m just me. And now I’m also old lol. I’m single since 15 years now. I’m always just the friend, the one you can confide in, the one to joke around with, but never the one you fall in love with. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an angry person or constantly sad. I’m actually quiet happy. But there are times like today, where I feel very lonely and unloved. And yes I know, my family loves me and so do my friends. What I mean is the love from a man.
I was listening to the song ‘I won’t let you go’ by GOT7. I listened to the lyrics and I instantly started to cry. Beside that it is a beautiful song, I realized I never had and never will have a man saying anything like that to me. It really hurt and it felt like my heart was breaking into pieces. I can’t even remember, when it was the last time someone said ‘I love you’ to me. Let alone ‘I need you in my arms. I need you in my life. You are touching my heart. I won’t let you go.‘
That’s probably one reason, I want to finish this book so badly. I can live a romance through Aria. I can be everything I’m not and get the man I dream of. It’s a small happiness, but it’s better than nothing and this makes me smile again.